Okay, when I took Jubers in for her one year, Dr. Tang asked me if I was still giving her a bottle before bedtime, to which I replied emphatically, "No," which was a complete lie. I'm not really sure why I lied about that...I just wanted the doctor to like me and not report me to social services just because I've been putting Jubilee to bed (okay--and naps too) with a bottle.
So then I thought, well, it doesn't matter as long as I don't send her to be with a bottle anymore. Then I won't really by a liar. So I've been doing that, but she does cry. Usually I can take it, but it's hard for Mike to listen to. Mike is an excellent father -- he will do everything in his power not to let his children suffer. I started to feel guilty. I began to ask myself, why is it bad to put your kid down with a bottle? Is it the teeth issue? Don't all the baby teeth fall out anyway? Is it the sleep issue? She won't learn how to fall asleep without a comfort device?
Mike thinks I should give her the bottle, but I have mixed feelings. I want to do "what's right". I want to be a "good mom". I want Dr. Tang to like me. I want Jubilee not to cry.
Last night I broke down after she had been crying for about 30 minutes. When I went in, she was lying with her behind in the air and her head in the corner making her sleep sounds. I thought, if I only would have waited a few more minutes, she would have been out! I'm a terrible mom--giving in like that.
Being a mom is not easy.
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